Homeland Security

More often than not, when hoarders are in open spaces in their homes, they feel a sense of insecurity. My mother, for example, 'needs' to pile things around her in order to have a sense of security about her home. More or less, the same type of secure feeling you'd get from living in a castle or fortress. Even when my mother tells me that certain things are 'expendable', she's not talking about the clearing out of an entire home. She's talking about the clearing out of a few objects, but still leaving the house in a total shambles.

Odd off-beat comments she makes are also things not to be fully ignored. Even when they're said in a tone of jest, she is quite serious. Little comments, such as, 'Well, at least if someone tried to break in here, they'd figure someone already beat them to it'.... and 'Pity the poor soul who attempts to rob this place. They'd never see the light of day again, and probably get lost just in the foyer'. In other words, this is a type of personalized 'homeland security'. She feels safe in the mess. In her mind, she is certain that no one is going to try and take anything from her, simply because they won't find anything to take.

This is now coming into her secondary disorder, OCD. This began developing around the same time her hoarding started, except that the hoarding started because of the OCD, not the other way around. We also quickly realized that one disorder feeds, and sometimes thrives, off the other. Now, to make matters slightly more confusing, she was born with ADHD. It was not until she was in her mid-60's that she was properly diagnosed with OCD. Her doctors had their suspicions about her ADHD for many years, but because of the way the patient laws were written at the time (and might still be), a patient had a right to refuse evaluation and treatment IF the patient was deemed capable of functioning on their own without being a detriment to themselves, or others around them. Since my mother, at this point, had lived so long with these conditions, and had done so nearly flawlessly, the doctor saw no reason to attempt any type of forced medication of psychological evaluations on her.

In fact, mentally, my mother has been more 'on the ball' than half of the doctors she's been treated by. This has made for some very interesting moments during my childhood. My mother has several disorders, but she's by no means 'out of her mind' or 'stupid'. Not by anyone's farthest stretches of imagination. I'm talking about a woman who does advanced Algebraic equations in her head, figures out her income taxes in her head and can remember such minute details about not only her life, but also other people's lives as well. She was the valedictorian of her high school class, worked her way through life, born and raised on a farm, highly active in Democratic politics, religion and the communities she lived in. She was, by no means, even remotely to be considered 'stupid'. She is, in fact, a total wealth of information and pure knowledge.

Sometimes, even her logical explanations for hoarding seem, well...logical. She will openly complain about all her 'mess'. She will talk almost endlessly about all the things she has to do to take care of her 'piles of junk'. She will often mention to me all the many items she wants to keep, what can and cannot be stored, what has to be sent off to people, what has to be kept in a certain manner in order to properly ensure their preservation (wedding gown, photos, etc). She's not your typical hoarder. She knows what SHOULD be done, but does not have the over all capacity to get it all done. That's where my husband and I come in.

I am quite literally the only person on the face of this planet that knows how my mother works. I know, without even asking her, exactly how her mind works when it comes to cleaning and organizing. And, thanks to the many years of actually studying her habits and rituals, I also know what will set her off, and what will not. This last one is highly important, especially with someone who has OCD. Someone who has OCD cannot just function like the average person does. They are often incapable of handling material loss in the same manner. Oddly enough though, if their home is destroyed by say, a tornado, earthquake, or other natural disaster, they don't 'fall apart'. They often take it in stride, and simply move on like the rest of us would. My mother's reaction to such things is so 'normal' that she makes the average person look like a raving lunatic during natural disaster reactions.

When Katrina hit, she was watching it on television. Having memories and flash backs of times when she lived in Missouri. All the storms and such that would ravage the area on a yearly basis, and remembering all the pain and suffering people would often go through during those storms, as well as during the after math of those storms. Of course she'd get horribly upset, and still does, at the way the people were treated during Katrina. Her out look though is, "Ok, these people are not dead, therefore they've got a chance. They can be helped. It's just a matter of getting help to them, and the help they need".

Now it's easy for someone to read this and have the thought process of, 'Yeah, well she was watching it on television, and wasn't right there in it'. Good point to make, but my mother has been involved in natural disasters, and her reaction was even more 'calm' than having seen it on television. When a tornado hit our area once, she went into the cellar like everyone else did. She waited it out, just like everyone else did. She went to 'ground zero', just like everyone else did, to see what she could do to help anyone that needed help. She saw the aftermath. The trees twisted and maimed. The cars upside down. Historical buildings totally wiped out and unable to be salvaged. Her reaction? "Is anyone dead? No? Ok, let's start getting these people what they need then....".

For people who lost their beloved pets, their homes, cars and other such belongings, her view was seen as cold and callous. My mother's out look, however, was more along the lines of, "Did you lose any PERSON? Are YOU dead? If not, then it can be replaced, and you're lucky to be alive. Let's pick up and move on.". She turned into a semi-drill sergeant when it came to things like that. An emotional one, but none the less, one of total control and logical thought. It's as if her ADHD, OCD and hoarding were completely and momentarily erased from her system.

When things calm down and are back to normal, the disorders kick into full gear again, but not until the bulk of the problem has been done and over with. What do I attribute this to? Her personal form of homeland security. It keeps her feeling safe, in control and alive.

Next post....I Save, Therefore, I Am.