I Keep, Therefore I Am

One of the most recognizable features a hoarder has in their personality is 'belonging'. This does not mean that they do not have a sense of belonging within their circle of family and friends. It means a sense of belonging to themselves. It's not arrogance nor egotism. It's simply a security-type emotion. Self-esteem, self-worth, self-awareness, self-consciousness and so forth.

Sometimes, as is the case with my mother, hoarders will begin keeping specific items for a particular collection of things, and end up obtaining so many of the same thing, that there is often no room left to properly display them, and therefore they must keep the remaining items stored safely in boxes, closets or chests. Take, for example, a collection of different pitchers and vases. To a harder, any place that these items can be obtained is game. It does not matter if it's Tiffany's or the dump. If they can somehow obtain a unique looking pitcher or vase, it does not matter to them where they got it. The point is, they got it before anyone else did, or before it got ruined and thrown out permanently.

There are also some times when hoarders, like my mother, will be able to get certain items either free, or for an extremely reduced price, if they purchase high quantities of a specific item. Many years ago, the Pepsi Company ran an offer for a 10 speed bicycle, that was blue with the Pepsi logo on it. I am not sure if it was free, or if it was being sold at an extremely reduced price. I do know, however, that for months, all my mother bought was Pepsi soda, and we had a ton of 2 liter Pepsi bottles all over the house. It took us almost forever to drink all that Pepsi. However, for Christmas that year, I got the 10 speed bicycle as a Christmas gift. I had that bicycle for nearly 15 years. Here's the kicker. My mother prefers Coca-Cola over Pepsi.

As I said earlier, my mother runs her life with a great deal of logic. Logic, however, is not all that plays a large role in her daily living. Very old-fashioned morals and ethical values play a role, as does her religion. She sees the world with very different eyes than most people from today's societies do. Her eyes are still keen and sharp, and well honed in to the ethics and morals of years long past. Her mannerisms also stem from an era from decades ago. When I tell you that I too can honestly view the world through her eyes, it is not being said with any type of happiness. People in this era have become very blind, scared and bothered. They do not see people with trusting eyes, nor do they talk to people with much adoration and manners. Left up to my mother, every person on this planet would be saying 'please', 'thank you so very much' and 'you're very welcome' at every point and turn in their lives.

My mother's collections are a direct reflection of those days from not too long ago. Magazines that show images of happy parents in play grounds with their children. Serving trays that reflect the art deco stage in America. Drinking glasses that people used as Juice glasses, which were really jars that people purchased different types of Jellies and Jams in. Actual tall glasses, made from real glass and not glass-looking plastic, that you could get from fast food restaurants if you ordered a certain type of item. These are things long forgotten by many people. For my own children, their eyes open in awe of some of the things that my mother has lived with. For example, they cannot believe that people used to use the cloth from flour sacks as dish rags and sewing material, much less that flour was ever sold in cloth bags at all. And yet, in my mother's home, tucked away in a corner someplace, are several dolls that have dresses sewn out of flour sack cloth, and a few tea towels made from the same flour sack cloth.

One of my favorite items of my mother's is an old original Betty Crocker cook book. I have a Betty Crocker cook book from the 1990's. When you open my cook book and look at a recipe for say, a stuffed chicken, it will tell you the size of the chicken you need, and how to stuff the chicken. In the old cook book my mother has, the very same recipe tells you not only the size of the chicken you need, but also how to kill, feather, gut and clean the chicken prior to even getting to the preparations for stuffing it. Like I said, a time long forgotten by many people.

My mother keeps items for two purposes. Mainly, it's her hoarding that takes over as her primary purpose for keeping anything that comes into her home. However, the secondary intent is to have things that generations beyond her might be able to look at an enjoy either fond memories, or learn more about every day living from years that only a few left in this country can recall from first hand experience. My mother is one of said people.

The historical 'secondary' intent is what most hoarders also use as a reason for them keeping the tremendous amount of items. More often than not, newspapers and magazines are kept, along with books, records and possibly old reel movies. Slides are kept, old photo graphs are kept, 8 track tapes are kept, even old bills or tax return copies are kept. In the mind of a hoarder, these will serve a historical purpose many years into the future. People will be able to look at these items and see just how people from this era lived. What they used for money. How they had to pay taxes. What was going on in the world around them. Tips and hints given to them in magazine articles. Movies that were popular, songs that were popular, and how we have to listen to and watch those songs and movies.

When the average person goes into the home of a hoarder, there is an immediate and over-whelming tendency to just dig in and throw out just about everything they lay their eyes on. When a hoarder walks in to the home of another hoarder, there is an immediate and over-whelming tendency to just dig in and go through every single object with great admiration and joy, but never to throw anything out.

There are many hoarders who will keep items that can pose health hazards to themselves. These are not your typical hoarders. The typical hoarder will throw out actual garbage just like everyone else does. Some hoarders, like my mother, are almost ironically scared out of their minds of germs and disease. An example of this is when my mother was packing up her home in Massachusetts to move to California. I was in a bedroom on the second floor of the home, standing just about ankle deep in lint and dust, and my mother came into the room to ask me if I had made sure to wash my hands before going through the closet, so that her clothes would not get dirt and natural body oils on the materials. She was not joking. She was absolutely dead serious. Of course, I knew to wash my hands in her home at every turn. This also meant that I have also learned to carry a small bottle or tin of hand lotion with me at all times, as the requirement to wash my hands is so great, that I fully expect to accidentally wash the first 3 layers of skin off of my hands by the time I'm done.

Keep in mind that I grew up in the home of a hoarder, as well as someone who went un-treated for ADHD, OCD and ICD. These 4 conditions were never easy to live with. Both my father and I learned very precise ways of keeping as 'normal' of a daily schedule as possible, so that my mother would be as comfortable as possible at all times, as well as having her own sense of security and happiness. Yes, there were times when everyone clashed, but those times became fewer and farther between as I grew up. To this day, I am still uncertain as to if it was my mother's ever-changing and developing conditions, my growth from puberty into adulthood, the passing on of my father in 1992, or a combination of all three. All I know is that as an adult, and since my father has been gone, my mother has changed a great deal, and has become much more laid back and casual in her outlook on life. Whatever the reason, it is better for her.

Next post....Junk And Stuff