Sentimental Attachments

We all have certain things around our homes that once belonged to other people. We tell people about these things during casual conversation, or in response to a person's compliment on the item. Someone might speak about their appreciation for a piece of art in your home, and your response might be something along the lines of, "Why, thank you. It's been in my family for years. My (whatever the relative of yours is that made the item) painted it way back in (whatever year the artwork was made)". Mothers also have the habit of saving certain things to pass on to their daughters, especially wedding gowns. The daughter then can tell people, "This was my mother's wedding gown". She'll likely save it for her daughter, who can then say, "This was my grandmother's wedding gown". And, so forth down the line.

In my mother's case, the sentimental value she holds for items of absolutely no monetary value, far exceeds her attachment to those items that truly do have some sort of monetary worth. She's almost clinging on to these things as if they were precious archaeological discoveries or treasures. A paper bag from a greeting card store that's been out of business for nearly 30 years. A lip stick pallet that is over 25 years old, unopened and slowly rotting away in its own packaging. A warped Tupperware bowl that she bought back in the early 1970's, that can't be used for anything except collecting dust. A ribbon from a birthday gift that she got back in the 1960's, that happens to be not only discolored, but also mashed up and crinkled.

While I can understand wanting to keep items that will be useful for family members at some point, (For example, larger pieces of good furniture, china plates, silver coffee and tea services and even some antique books or dolls) it would be difficult for the average person to understand a hoarder's very close sentimental attachment to what would normally be considered, 'junk'. The 'common sense' in me tells me that the junk and worthless piles of stuff need to be just thrown out and gotten rid of totally. There is, however, a side to me that can understand my mother's sentiment, and therefore that side tries to find ways of compromising with my mother so that the junk can be taken out of the house, but not thrown out (if those particular items are of any value to my mother at all). That's a rough and most difficult compromise to make, but for her sake, it has to be done.

There are items that she holds little to no sentimental value for, that she calls "expendable". For example, my grandmother's sofa. It's old, and has to have an afghan covering part of it because the cloth on one of the seat cushions has worn too thin. I asked my mother about the sofa, and her response was, "Well, it did belong to my mom, but I suppose it's expendable. It's worn, and since you have your own couch, you may as well use the one you have." Her logic however is not what one might think. To the average person, the thought process would be something along the lines of 'having someone come to the house and remove the sofa permanently to bring it to a dump'. My mother's logic on this is along the lines of, 'taking the sofa out of the house and placing it into storage so someone else that may not have a sofa can use it until they have the money to buy a sofa of their own'.

This goes back to her thinking that someone might need something some day for some reason at some point in their lives. This 'idealism' of my mother's is going to prove to be a mental mountain that will need to be climbed and over-come, just to get her house cleared out enough for my husband and I to move even part of our own belongings into the home.

Next post.... Psychological Preparations